-11_Liberty, Self-Control and Friendship

 

WE are a larger assembly here today – we have increased in number.... Now, we all want to be good boys and good girls, is it not? Nobody wants to be a bad boy or a bad girl; but the problem is how to be a good boyar girl and how not to be a bad boy or girl. In what does goodness consist? You all know the fine gesture that Mother taught us once. Gesture means a physical movement – here a physical movement to control yourself; control, self-control is a very important, a very necessary item of our life. So the Mother once said; supposing you are very angry and you are inclined to give a blow to your comrade, then, the Mother's advice is, instead of stretching your hand towards your friend to give him a blow, put it in your pocket; that is a fine gesture and it brings you a fine result: you feel a kind of release, a joy and peace, something new arid fresh comes into you. Your anger is gone, you are almost a new person. That is the lesson Mother taught us in the matter of controlling ourselves. Usually we are moved by our impulses and passions particularly towards wrong things, then what you need is to check yourself, to control yourself. You must note that this control you are taught is self-control, that is to say, it is a thing not forced upon you, you are not compelled to do it. You do it because of your own will, because you like to do it, because it is a fine gesture that attracts you. Usually the control is imposed upon you, out of fear of punishment, because of inconvenient or unpleasant results that might follow your loss of control. So instead of an outsider ruling you, you rule yourself voluntarily. The Mother adds also, illustrating the point: to train, that is to say, to control a wild horse what you do is to put a bridle in its mouth and hold it and check it. That is good for an animal who does not know what he is; for 

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a man, he can do better; he can put the bridle himself in his own mouth, that is what controlling oneself is. It means as a human being you have been given freedom; it is given so that you may choose yourself what is to be done and what is not to be done. Instead of being forced to do the right thing you are given the alternatives either to do the right or do the wrong, to choose between the two and choose the right thing of your free will. Here in the Ashram, the Mother has said very many times, you have been given almost infinite freedom. There are of course certain rules and regulations; naturally when you live in society and have common work to do, there must be some rules and regulations. But the beauty here is that even if you break a rule, even a very important rule, you are not punished. In other words, the choice is left to you, you have broken the rule, you yourself find that you have broken the rule and then you try and rectify yourself, do the right thing. That is the true function of freedom – it is not freedom to do anything you like but to discipline yourself, to follow the right of one's own free will. A discipline here is not inflicted upon you, you are not ordered to do one thing and not to do another under pain of punishment, but you find the truth by yourself and for yourself and you do it yourself, and you have the joy, the pleasure of doing the right thing and the happiness of growing, maturing in your consciousness. You have infinite freedom here so that you may grow in your consciousness infinitely.

            I was speaking of self-control, self-discipline in your inner being, that is to say, with regard to your desires and impulses and feelings. It is however the same discipline as you follow with regard to your body in the playground. Physical education means nothing else than controlling and disciplining the body. You control and discipline the body through physical exercises and these mean controlled and guided movements. You have to make these movements in a regular, persistent, ordered and a neat way, it is the way to make your body strong and beautiful. As by means of this physical discipline you secure a strong and beautiful body, even so by the inner discipline, by controlling your passions and impulsions you build an inner body strong and beautiful. Yes, even like a physical body you have a subtle body, a body as it were within this material frame. It is 

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not, however, for that reason, something vague and imprecise, on the contrary, it is very concrete and has a definite shape. As I said, by controlled and directed movements you make this outer body strong and beautiful; the inner body also in the same way through controlled and directed inner movements can be made strong and beautiful. In properly doing the physical exercises, you know, two things are needed: first of all, doing the physical movements according to the rules, in other words, exercising the muscles in a given manner, and then along with it relaxation. Relaxation and excercise should alternate. Relaxation restores the muscles, brings repose to the system and serves as a kind of basic support. In the field of the inner discipline, this relaxation corresponds to what I have called freedom. And the muscular exercises correspond to the excercise of your will and consciousness in regard to the inner body.

     The building up of the inner beautiful body has a great influence upon the building of the physical body, it adds something, it gives a feeling of inherent capacity, firmness and charm even to the physical frame.

Many find it difficult at the outset to make the right movement even in the matter of physical exercises. What is n6eded is will and persistence. More difficult, much more difficult it is to make the right inner movement, there also what is needed is will and persistence. Sometimes in the matter of inner discipline which means doing the right thing, you say, "If I know the right thing to do, then I can do it; to do the right thing I must know the right thing. If I do not know the right thing, how can I do it?" In the same way many exclaim: "How to find God, how to see God? I do not know what God is. Then how can I try to find Him?" They say: "First you must see God, then you can believe." In fact this is not true. The truth is the other way round. The Mother says, "If you are sincere, absolutely sincere and you take the resolution that you will do the right thing whatever happens, then surely the right thing will reveal itself to you." But the basic condition is that. Your resolve must be there, to do the right whenever it presents itself to you whatever the cost. Indeed you are not, a human being is not so obscure and inert as the appearance shows. There is a soul in everyone, there is a light within you which always points to the right. Only you are absent-minded, you do not care to look around and be

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on the alert. If you care, truly want to see the light, you will see it there before you. You must be ready to recognise it. It all depends upon your will, your good will, your inner sincerity. The inner sincerity will show you your path, the next step you are to take and you will know more and more as you advance. But if you hesitate, if you have in the background of your mind as it usually happens, the feeling that even if you see the right thing you may not do it, you may not be prepared to face too much difficulty or opposition in the execution. The very wavering thought that you may not do it will obscure your path and the light will not be there. You have to believe, believe blindly, for you know what you believe in is not anything wrong or mistaken, for your urge is to welcome the truth, a sincere readiness to welcome the truth when it comes, this will bring forward the truth and if you proceed, proceed in this way, welcoming the light every time it comes, disregarding all other pulls and distractions, your welcoming becomes easier and warmer and the light grows brighter and brighter. By your faith and trust you increase the power of your discrimination, increase the force of your character, increase the influence of a growing light upon your nature and your inner being; your true person in you grows in stature, grows in strength and beauty.

In this path there is another line for growth and development which is of considerable importance as you will see. You are here or for that matter anywhere in society-not alone but you live together with others. You study together, play together, work together. You have friends, comrades, companions, you are in a group, in a company. Now it is of great importance to have the right company, you must have good companions, good comrades, good friends. That will help you in ways more than one. In this connection I can do nothing better than just to read out what the Mother says on the subject. She says: usually in your ignorance and simplicity, foolish simplicity, you choose convenient friends, that is to say, those who praise you, flatter you, who do not contradict you even if you go the wrong way, even they encourage you in doing the wrong thing in order to be friendly with you. Such friends are dangerous, dangerous to yourself and dangerous to your so-called friends too. Here is the text of the Mother's words: 

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C'est cela qui doit être à la base de l'attitude que l'on est en droit d'attendre d'un véritable ami: il ne doit pas vouloir que vous lui ressembliez, mais que vous soyez, au contraire, tel que vous êtes.

Et j’avais écrit: "Notre meilleur ami est celui qui nous aime dans le meilleur de nous-mêmes.’’ D'une façon un peu plus positive, je dirai: celui qui vous encourage à descendre au niveau le plus bas de vous-même, qui vous pousse à faire des sottises avec lui, ou à devenir vicieux avec lui, ou qui vous approuve dans tout ce que vous avez de vilain, celui-là n' est pas votre ami. Et pourtant, trés souvent, beaucoup trap souvent, on fait son ami de celui avec lequel on n' est pas gêné quand on est au-dessous de soi-même. On s’associe avec ceux qui courent au lieu d’aller à l’école et qui vane voter des fruits dans les jardins, avec ceux qui se moquent de leurs pro-fesseurs et qui font toutes sortes de chases vilaines; c’est pourquoi j’ai dit: "Ceux-là ne sane pas vas bans amis." Mais enfin, ce sane les amis les plus confortables, payee qu’ils ne vous donnent jamais l'mpression que vous êtes en faute. Tandis qu’à celui qui viendrait vous dire: "Dis done, au lieu d' alley courir, à ne rien faire, ou a faire des bêtises, si tu venais en classe, tu crois que ce ne strait pas mieux?’’ – à celui-là, généralement, on répond: "Tu m’embêtes, tu n'es pasmon ami.’’

.... Il faut considérer comme son meilleur ami celui qui se refuse à participer à une action mauvaise ou laide, celui qui vous encourage à resister aux tentations inférieures; celui-là, c' est l' ami.

C'est avec lui qu’il faut vous associer et non avec celui qui fortifie vos mauvais penchants et participe à vos mauvaises actions.¹

 

¹ Bulletin of Sri Aurobindo International Centre of Education, August 1961, pp. 38-41. "That should be the basis of the attitude which one has the right to expect from a true friend: he must not wish that you should be like him, but that you should be on the contrary, what you are.

And I wrote, "Our best friend is he who loves us in our best part." In a more positive way, I would say: he who encourages you to descend to the lowest level in you, who drives you to do stupid things with him or become vicious along with him or approves all that is vile in you is not your friend. And yet, very often, much too often, you make a friend of him with whom you do not feel uneasy when you are below your own self. You associate with those who run about instead of going to school, who would steal fruits from gardens, those who poke fun at their teachers and who do all sorts of nasty things. That is why I said, "Such people are not your good friends". But they are the friends who are very comfortable, because they never give you the impression that you are in the wrong. Whereas if one comes and tells you, "I say, instead of roaming about doing nothing or doing stupid

things, why not go to your class, don't you think it would be better?" To such a person you would generally reply, "you are troublesome, you are not my friend."  One should regard him only as his best friend who refuses to take part in a bad or ugly act, who encourages you to resist all lower temptations. He is indeed your friend.

      It is with him that you should associate and not with one who strengthens your

And the Mother adds:

 

Au fond, on ne devrait prendre pour amis que des gens plus sages que soi-même, des gens done la compagnie vous ennoblit et vous aide à vous surmonter, à progresser, à agir mieux et à voir plus clair. Et finalement, le meilleur ami que l'on puisse avoir, n'est-ce point le Divin? le Divin à qui l'on peut tout dire, tout révéler, payee que c’est la qu’est la source de toute miséricorde, de tout pouvoir d' effacer l'erreur quand elle ne se reproduit plus, qui peut ouvrir la route vers la realisation veritable; le Divin qui peut tout com prendre, tout guérir, qui vous aide sur le chemin à ne pas faiblir, ne pas broncher, ne pas tomber et qui vous méne tout droit au but. C' est Lui, l' ami vrai, l' ami des bans et des mauvais jours, celui qui ne fait jamais défaut. Quand on l'appelle sincèrement, Il est toujours là pour vous guider, pour vous soutenir et pour vous aimer de la vraie façon. ¹

 

So you see, the best friend that you can have, the Mother says, is the Divine Himself, that is to say, the Mother Herself. You can find no other friend so friendly, so loving and so lovable. Do not think she is too great for you, she is very far and you are very small. It is not true. She can be, she can make herself as small as yourself to be with you: because she is you.

I will tell you here a personal story. When we were together with Sri Aurobindo, long long ago, we were almost as young as you are, not quite though, only a few years older: we had then like you, infinite freedom, we did almost whatever we liked, went wherever it pleased us to go, we did not care much for food or dress or luxuries but we liked pleasant picnics, and along with that of course a little bit of study: but studying not any imposed lessons, studying whatever we liked, whatever we chose to read. Then one day, years after, Sri Aurobindo told us-we were at that time only four or five in number-he told us, somewhat seriously, he was seldom serious or grave with us,

 

¹ "In reality, you should take as friends only those persons who are wiser than you, whose company ennobles you, helps you to transcend yourself, to progress, to act better and see clearer. And finally, the best friend that one can have, is it not the Divine? the Divine to whom one can say everything, disclose everything, because here is the source of all kindness, of the power that effaces every error when it is no longer repeated, which can open the path to the true realisation; the Divine who can understand everything, cure everything, who helps you on the way not to waver, not to falter, not to fall down and who leads you straight the goal. He is the true friend, the friend in good and bad days, who never ails you. When you call him sincerely, he is always there to guide you, to sustain you and love you in the true way." – O p. cit. 

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he had always his smile – “You have so forgotten yourselves, you do not think even of what you have come here for (because we had all left our family, even our country and all worldly considerations); to be with you, to be one of you, I have made myself very small, I have cut myself so to say to your size to walk with you, to be on the same level. Even then you cannot follow, I seem to be still too far from you. That won't do. Now you must try to run and come up to me. I cannot make myself still smaller. I have made myself sufficiently small."

I may remind you here of what Sri Krishna did in this line, something very similar. Sri Krishna, the Divine, became a very ordinary playmate of cowherd-boys and village maids and was one of them and with them, almost with no apparent difference. The Divine not merely as the Master, the Guru, the leader or the captain but as a loving playmate and comrade is a very extraordinary Indian conception of the Divine. Arjuna in his loving tenderness for his friend Krishna almost forgot to respect him and. honour him, he could only embrace him. But one day revelation came to him as to who his intimate friend and comrade really was: he was dumbfounded and full of contrition and repentance for his past lapses. I may tell you Arjuna's state of mind in his own words – as stated in the Gita:

 

For whatsoever I have spoken to Thee in rash vehemence, thinking of Thee only as my human friend and companion, 'O Krishna, O Yadava, O Comrade,' not knowing this Thy greatness, in negligent error or in love, and for whatsoever disrespect was shown by me to Thee in jest, at play, on the couch and the seat and in the banquet, alone or in Thy presence, O faultless One, I pray forgiveness from Thee, the Immeasurable.¹

 

However what I wanted to say is, the Mother is truly your mother and as truly your friend and comrade. She loves you as no one else can love. She answers to your love as no one else can. And she teaches you how to love. Even if you are full of errors and mistakes; it does not matter, she takes you as you are, you can be quite free and open to her, she is there to understand you, to help you. She is not there to scold you or find

 

 The Gita: XI, 41-2. 

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fault with or criticise you. If you are not able to correct yourself, you have simply to look to her, she will do what is needful for you. I have always spoken to you of a body beautiful, an inner body beautiful and an outer body beautiful – any wrong thought or feeling or act leaves a stain, a scar upon your inner body, you are to see that the stain goes away and the body resume its glow, you are not always able to do it with your own will and effort because you do not know how to do it, but only try not to repeat the error and take your shelter in the Mother's presence, in her arms. The stain disfigures your inner beauty, you have to pray and appeal to her: with her healing touch she will remove all stain and disfiguring mark. It is an experience that some of you must have had in some way or other, must have felt in dream at least, the loving embrace of the Mother. You have to live in it, live it even in your waking hours. Be sincere and ask for it, your wish will be granted. 

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